A very belated Merry Christmas to both of my readers (I love you, mom!)
Today’s song of the day is a true toe tapper: it’s Burning Man by Dierks Bentley. Shit, this is a fantastic song.
Today’s second song of the day is a shout-out to my bitches in the bride squad: it’s The Way You Love Me by Faith Hill. Also fantastic. I’m looking at you, Shot Queen and Maid of Dishonor.
Here’s a pro-tip for my homies who hate a wet gooch post-shower: use a hair dryer to dry your plums, taint, and ass and you’ll be headed to bed/work with as dry a caboose as ever. It works extremely quickly and the warmth is titillating on the fruit basket. Prior to a hair dryer, I was bent over and spreading my cheeks in front of the floor fan. A) this is a more time consuming process. B) every time you tear anus, you end up giving yourself an unpleasant dutch oven.
Finally, I found the perfect blurb for your online dating profile:
If you can’t close with “popping & topping,” you don’t belong in the game.