sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY! Happy Sunday to my Sunday fans in the crowd. Today’s song of the day is Simple by Florida Georgia Line. Great band and this one is super catchy. With all this recent talk of Pill Cosby on the thread, I did consider Wake Me Up by Avicii but I felt that would be in poor taste. #justiceforpill #guiltyuntilproveninnocent
Who else here grabbed a six pack, picked up some jalapeño-topped nachos, and set up shop on the sidelines to watch the Police vs. Protesters game in Paris? It was a close call – I had to dash to Party City to pick up my Police jersey – but I made it just in time for kickoff. The pesky Protestors enjoyed a good first half but our offense-minded Police came out of halftime swinging with a game plan that ultimately won the day. After a few fourth and punt situations in the third, the Police brought out the Hail Mary tear gas playbook that landed them successfully in the Protestors’ end zone. I’m a bit bummed that I didn’t actually go to the game in Paris but I’m sure if you were in the first few rows, you could’ve picked up a tear gas canister and seen “Made in Germany” in fine print. Some things never change.
The continuing spat between Megyn Kelly (Kelly Megyn?) and Fox News. Have you seen this, have you heard about this? I think the drama has finally caught up with her as I think she’s finally selling her beauty collection on OfferUp:
Regarding her $70 million contract and assuming she has any left to spare, I hope Fox really bleeds her out. Write that one down.
I recently discovered that a close friend is an Ashkenazi Jew, and apparently, they hold their value quite well. I imagine I’d do well to take that one to the bank. While sitting with his family, someone made a joke that “I’d like to die like grandpa did, fast asleep…while the other eight people in the van were screaming.” Jajaja. I immediately thought of sharing this joke with his family: “you know, my grandfather died at Auschwitz…he fell from a guard tower.” Or this one: “while sitting at the bar last week, I asked a Jewish woman for her number…she started rolling up her sleeve.” I really liked their Thanksgiving meal and wanted leftovers so I decided to keep both to myself.
And finally, while pissing away my fortune at the casino last week, I came across the world’s greatest giant slot that nearly bled me dry (think Megyn Kelly’s physically-draining affliction but kinda backwards):
“He is a loathsome, offensive brute. Yet I can’t look away.”