But first, some geographic trivia: Did you know that there’s a Town of China in Maine? There’s even a Village of South China in China, Maine. Wow, cool! Did you know there’s also a City of Palestine, Texas? Wowsers! My fellow xBone/PS4 neckbeards will be equally thrilled to know that there’s a City of Beardstown, Illinois. Righteous!
If you’re planning on visiting these locations, I highly recommend avoiding the mean streets of Chiraq. Check out the following picture:
Now zoom in on that rear window. See it? That’s an 8.5″ x 11″ piece of paper that reads “Be Careful, Student Driver”…BLOCKING 40% OF THE STUDENT DRIVER’S REAR VIEW!!! Responsible parenting.
Applying to new jobs? Terrific! I came across a novel way of getting yourself out there: change your name to the exact position for which you’re applying! Got it? For example, don’t bother applying for the position of Dean at any of Chicago’s Econ Departments, this bad hombre en el chaleco has you beat:
That’s one clever mofo. Sorry if I’m bouncing around over here, although fortunately not literally as I’m drafting this missive whilst taming the throne. I’m loving my new diet but unclogging these logjams has become a full-time job. Someday, I’m going to patent a toilet that has the same flush force as this bad boy:
Imagine, if you will, the sheer force of the water pumping through those hoses! I want my waterlogged turd approaching the sound barrier as it’s hastily propelled toward the municipal cooling ponds. Very much akin to a particle accelerator, only in this case, it begins with a black hole. I refuse to get stuck in the balneae past with you luddites. Speaking of luddites, whatever became of the radical Fluffers Union? I have a vague recollection of Fluffers Local ### protesting the Viagra launch in 1998, going so far as breaking into porn studios and toppling chairs and tossing throw pillows onto the floor in spectacular protest. Have they admitted defeat and let Big Medicine claim another victory against hand labor and lots of elbow grease? Those rascals.
And finally, I may have shared these in the past but I don’t believe that to be the case. Here are three great articles that are worth your time. Well, maybe just the Manafort and Eight Days articles, but the Ohio coal-fired power plant article isn’t bad. Here you go:
- The Plot Against America: Decades before he ran the Trump campaign, Paul Manafort’s pursuit of foreign cash and shady deals laid the groundwork for the corruption of Washington.
- Why Do Americans Stay When Their Town Has No Future?: Family and community are the only things left in Adams County, Ohio, as the coal-fired power plants abandon ship and the government shrugs.
- Eight Days: The battle to save the American financial system.
“I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting.” – Ronald Reagan
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