Happy Hanukkah

Wishing everyone a happy and safe Hanukkah. Pornhub wishes you the same happy wishes:

Separately, I was in a washroom the other day where there was a sign stating “Clean Hands are Safe Hands.” I’m wondering if the White House’s female staffers would do well to put down their presidential pepper spray and opt for sanitizer squirt guns directed at the billionaire’s open palms. Equally effective when Slick Willy is visiting the Oval Office.

An older MILF offered me mushrooms last week, or the opportunity to “convene with our group of forest friends.” I had to turn it down. The problem is that my forest friends, like all my relationships, are toxic. This MILF is not the type of mom you take home to your girlfriend.

Well, again, happy Hanukkah. I’m off to buy new razors that aren’t the cheapest shit at Dollar General. My face and balls would appreciate a blade that doesn’t feel like it was forged over an open flame in medieval Europe.