Did you know the United States **may** have played a heavy-handed role in forcing foreign governments to buckle to their whim, and in some cases causing coup d’etats? I believe we know go with the more forward “regime changes” if I may be so crass. I know I was shocked to hear of such geopolitical hi-jinks, but then was giddy over the specifics of the CIA’s role in Egypt with Project FF.
Let’s set the scene – early 1950’s, Middle East. The United States and Soviet Union have managed to survive WW2 and immediately got to staking influential claims to resource-wealthy or strategically-significant nations around the world; imagine the sexiest and most important game of Risk possible. The US had made headway in Egypt with King Farouk (full name: His Majesty Farouk I, by the grace of God, King of Egypt and the Sudan, Sovereign of Nubia, of Kordofan and of Darfur), who was really trying to make the fez cool despite considerable evidence to the contrary. Farouk was loving the attention and financial support he was getting from the US in this race to woo him and gain access to the Suez Canal, but was dragging his feet in establishing the necessary political reforms like, democracy and human rights, which still weren’t a thing in most of the world.
In the pressure to develop some reform so Egypt could be a reliable democratic partner of the US, the CIA (led by Allen Dulles, brother of John Foster Dulles, Secretary of State of the Eisenhower Administration and thus responsible for the Eisenhower Doctrine wherein the US would protect and prop up democratic nations against the rising communist threat, as well as the namesake for a shitty airport in DC) got pissy by the lack of progress in actual results. They sent in Kermit Roosevelt Jr in to orchestrate Project FF and enact some change.
Kermit Roosevelt was the grandson of Theodore Roosevelt.
Project FF stands for “Project Fat Fucker”.
I have never been more proud to be an American.
So Kermit is in Egypt, fermenting some peaceful change to fight corruption in the dictatorship in order to make this partnership more palatable to the American people. As this project failed to take hold, eventually it evolved into a more, ahem, “forceful” change. Kermit found some dissatisfied officers with a nationalist bend and an urge to please American diplomats/CIA officers (which is all that really mattered anyway). These officers, with a bit of tender love and care from the United States, formed the Free Officers Movement, which ultimately disposed of Farouk and led to the installation of American-fan Gamal Abdel Nassar. Fast forward a few decades, and America’s short-term international plans resulted in long-term disaster, and Nasser became Sadat, Sadat became Hosni Mubarak, who really hated America. Whoops. Sorry all that talk about human rights backfired dramatically.
Kermit was much more than TR’s grandson – he was member of the OSS (the predecessor to the CIA) during WW2, and went on to spurn the Iranian revolution, removing the democratically-elected Mohammad Mossadegh due his Soviet-sympathies to install more American-friendly government, which was then overthrown shortly after in an organic coup that resulted in the Islamic government currently in power that, again, really hates America now. Another whoops. He fought against a CIA-sponsored coup in Guatemala, stating their democratically-elected president had the devotion of the people, and to fight it would be disastrous. For once, some foresight! Nothing bad ever happened in Guatemala again! Until it was overrun by death squads and MS-13. Kermit has a bit of a bad record with his eye for coups.
This is the story of Project Fat Fucker and how the United States rolled the dice on getting its metaphorical dick sucked one night instead waiting for the girl of their dreams. Speaking of sucking dick – King Farouk allegedly loved a good blow job, which is somehow fascinating while being utterly predictable. Look at this guy – OF COURSE he didn’t like to put in the work.