Ellen Pao: Making a Difference, One Frivolous Lawsuit at a Time

When some people hear the terms Ellen Pao and Frivolous Lawsuit in the same breath, their minds go to Ellen’s husband and better half, Alphonse “Buddy” Fletcher Jr.  Nice man, nice man.  Made a fortune in filing frivolous racial discrimination lawsuits (reference below:).

So now that you have good-guy Buddy’s background and you know that he’s the better half of the two, let’s dive in, lift up the skirt, and grab Ellen Pao by the ego, shall we?  And here. We. Go.

1). 

Making a difference?  Yup, Reddit community really loved her.  This woman has followers?!?  WTF?!?  I thought only Mohamed El-Erian and Jeff Bezos had followers.  Like most people, her only power lies in you remaining a willing audience.  Walk away and this woman has nothing.  Secondly, HER MIDDLE INITIAL IS “K”?!?  K. Pao? Really?!?

There!  How is it, feeling like the in-house counsel at Kleiner Perkins?  Just a barrage of fucking letters and lawsuits from very ambitious and very disgruntled Ellen K-Pao.

2). 

Ugh, skills and endorsements.  I’ll refrain as I have good pals who do this but it’s taking me a fair amount of restraint.  Anyway.  Back to EP, Phone Gender Discrimination Lawyer.  Her first skill is strategic partnership.  I literally cannot think of a single more strategic partnership than sleeping around the office to climb the corporate ladder, which she did…with a married coworker.  And she still fucked that up.  Alas, it turns out her sleeping around was with the wrong individual(s).  Evidently, Yellin’ Ellen fails to understand how to sleep around with the “right” senior partners.  Dock her a second round interview for overexaggerating her ability to execute on strategic partnerships and for lying on her LinkedIn page.

3). 

That’s just the problem, Mark: she’s crammed but it was with the wrong partner!  Don’t you get it?  She’s never going to make senior investment professional until she puts out with the “right” person.  And Vittorio, dude, we all know that Pao is going to be analytical but we know for a fact that she’s absolutely not a pleasure – hence the missed promotions!

The title of “corporate whistleblower” sounds a lot hotter than it is, just ask Ajit Nazre’s sushi slammer.

Also, destined to be a leader in her industry?  This part could be true. She’s one of the first women in VC.  She’s a canary in the coal mine.  I’d even go as far as to call her a guinea pig if I didn’t think she’d go and bite into herself.

4). 

That’s it?  That’s all Carl gets?  She spent more time with her coworker’s balls in her mouth than she did helping a close friend.  Great gal.  I suppose it’s on to the next deep pocketed employer.