Wishing everyone a warm and fuzzy Cinco De Mayo.
Okay, lot to cover here, so time to play ketchup. In the spirit of Mexican heritage, I’m throwing up a massive text wall. Don’t like it? This posting just got 2 paragraphs longer. More than once in my life, I’ve been told that from time to time I can be mildly insensitive to other cultures and ways of life. Bullshit, but okay. It’s Cinco De Mayo and I’d like to make good on appreciating other cultures, so today’s song of the day is Right Now by Psy (don’t be a dick, give the song a chance, it’s good). Much better than the golden oldies song that came on this morning where the main course is “baaa ba-ba ba-baaaaa, I knowwww you..” – if this were the Middle East, I’d get stoned if I were caught singing this to my male friends. They’re a very literal people.
As many of you know, I’m an absolute dios when it comes to Heroes of the Storm (“HOTS” for anyone who can throw a spiral or doesn’t suffer from asthma and backne). Back in December, before evvvverything changed when Trump was inaugurated, I went into a game as Chogall, stacking party-of-five XP bonuses on top of the holiday XP bonuses, among others. Had my first and only 500,000+ XP game. You better fucking believe that print screen found its way onto the watermark on my resume. Employers dig teamwork, persistence, and originality. I have yet to get any calls back. Not unlike:
Anyway, back to snapping the suspenders of the Mexican people. I recently had a game of HOTS where I was Chogall and working in close tandem with a teammate from Mexico, or Portugal, down old South America way.
Roughly translated, Sabaoth’s first two constructive messages to me are 1) Chogal, fuck you shit, and 2) I give you a whore. It may sound border-line (ugh) adversarial, but I think we had some good communication that game, a real productive tete-a-tete. Look a few lines up and you find the most important message. At all costs. Protect. The fucking. Healing fountain.
I’m getting lazy today and have to get back to work (“They’ve got a bus, and they want to use parking lot to this building as a meeting place. I mean, for God’s sake, it’s not a hardware store. We can’t have them hanging around like a bunch of freeloaders looking for an easy buck.” – Lucille Bluth). Spent too long on my last two posts: to quote a buddy, “your latest blog has so much packed in there you’d think it was Bruce Jenner post-op.” Biting social commentary…even in its brevity, and like the woman, it still has a lot of meat on it.
Here are my relevant Arrested Development photos for Cinco:
Two tips of the day. 1) Raspberries and diet coke: best combination you’ve ever had. Pop a few raspberries in your mouth and take a swig of the diet coke – it’s AMAZING. 2) People like Nutella on toast (although my readership seems to be white bread). Put 2-3 Reese’s peanut butter eggs on a toasted bagel and make a sandwich of it, it’s INCREDIBLE. Bonus recommendation from my cigarette-smoking-man/friend: chew on Icebreakers mints while smoking cigarettes – better tasting than menthol cigarettes. I must admit that I’ve had my share of cigarettes in my day, but after watching Hans Landa in the following, I’m never putting another wimpy-ass f*g in my mouth again:
Alright, time for me to get back to HOTS before this American Health Care Act beats a path through the senate floor. My go-to character, Chogall, has a bit of a limp and I’m worried about playing him with his preexisting condition.
Musings and Malarkey 
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