Dance Dance Revolution and Your Butthole

There’s a lot of room for personal growth in this post so be ready for it.

For decades, I’ve been wiping my hole in the same fashion: from front to back. No smells. No squishiness. No itching.

Then in early 2023, I tried something new. After wiping from front to back and feeling that I was sufficiently clean, I tried from back to front just once. SACRÉ BLEU!!! There was still oil on the engine block. How could this be? I was 100% clean front to back.

The answer lies in each of our buttholes. My butthole. Your butthole. You see, it’s not just a hole: it has folds, crevices. A whole ocean of hiding places. Not unlike the Sarlacc in the Great Pit of Carkoon.

Enter Dance Dance Revolution. The next time you’re wiping, I want you to think back to the DDR screen with the arrows flashing across the screen on eight different directions. Simply think back to your favorite song, and wipe your hole to those arrows. After a night of heavy hot sauce, I like to wipe to “My Fire” by X-Treme. If I have too much hot sauce AND Kimchi, it’s Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas. My tummy does not like Kimchi.

Just another game to add to your restroom repertoire. I’ve always likened taking a nastier poop to a difficult game of Twister, but DDR is fun too!

Have a happy Super Bowl. And here are some amusing photos:

Have a good one!